When is patience a mistake?
02/10/07 06:29 | Family
Samantha told me that the scariest
punishment in the world is being sent to the principal's office.
More importantly, she indicated that nothing we could use as a
consequence for bad behavior at home was as bad as that. Uh
oh.
I remember the dread of being sent to the principal's office. I suppose it is either a testament to my being a good kid or my being good at seeming like a good kid that I only visited my principal's office for discipline twice - once in elementary school for tearing up a card to my mom from said principal; and once in high school for lying about something to get excused from school to go spend time with my girlfriend. Both incidents were scary and made me feel like an idiot. But I survived both with no visible scars and no long-term impacts to my life.
Samantha, on the other hand, may not live long enough to learn that being sent to see the principal isn't all that bad. She is, once again, playing with power structures at home, seeing how far she can push the boundaries of acceptable behavior, and basically being a pain in the butt when she isn't being the sweetest most helpful and charming kid ever. I understand her need to push the envelope; I applaud it. Later. Way later. In the moment, however, she manages to push my buttons in so many ways.
I have, for better or worse, elected to tell her when, if we were a family that spanked, she would be spanked. We are not a family that spanks, nor are we ever likely to be. I suppose I'm hoping that, if she learns where the boundary actually is, she might choose to only go a little way over and not all the way to the point where her parents take all good things away for months at a time.
Liz has a harder time with this than I do, possibly because she and Samantha are so alike in so many ways. My suggestions for how to moderate a response to Samantha's bad behavior generally don't work for Liz, nor do my motivational techniques. I guess, even when you're co-parenting as much as possible, being the parent in charge is a solo adventure.
I remember the dread of being sent to the principal's office. I suppose it is either a testament to my being a good kid or my being good at seeming like a good kid that I only visited my principal's office for discipline twice - once in elementary school for tearing up a card to my mom from said principal; and once in high school for lying about something to get excused from school to go spend time with my girlfriend. Both incidents were scary and made me feel like an idiot. But I survived both with no visible scars and no long-term impacts to my life.
Samantha, on the other hand, may not live long enough to learn that being sent to see the principal isn't all that bad. She is, once again, playing with power structures at home, seeing how far she can push the boundaries of acceptable behavior, and basically being a pain in the butt when she isn't being the sweetest most helpful and charming kid ever. I understand her need to push the envelope; I applaud it. Later. Way later. In the moment, however, she manages to push my buttons in so many ways.
I have, for better or worse, elected to tell her when, if we were a family that spanked, she would be spanked. We are not a family that spanks, nor are we ever likely to be. I suppose I'm hoping that, if she learns where the boundary actually is, she might choose to only go a little way over and not all the way to the point where her parents take all good things away for months at a time.
Liz has a harder time with this than I do, possibly because she and Samantha are so alike in so many ways. My suggestions for how to moderate a response to Samantha's bad behavior generally don't work for Liz, nor do my motivational techniques. I guess, even when you're co-parenting as much as possible, being the parent in charge is a solo adventure.
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